


A break

by Blank_Is_typing



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Overworking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17316905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blank_Is_typing/pseuds/Blank_Is_typing
Summary: Chan needed a break, between dance practices, an upcoming comeback, and making sure his members were okay he hadn't had much time to himself. One day he just can't take it anymore and for once his team needs to comfort him instead.





	A break

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading a lot of @JiminWreckedSugaBias works and I wanted to write a fic a based off of their maknae line series so I have to give credit for the inspiration. Also some of the things I talk about might not make sense if you don't read the series. I had this idea but chan is apart of the hyung line so I couldn't request it, so I thought why not write it myself? It's not like I've been writing fanfiction for 3 years or anything?

Being the leader wasn't easy. Sure, Chan had known that already.

His depression and anxiety made it more difficult than it needed to be but he wouldn't give up the position for anything. He couldn't.

He was seen as a parental figure to his maknaes and even maknaes from other groups.

His own group always came first though, the group that was having a comeback in a week. Everyone was on edge and they were all nervous, which lead to them needing his attention for more time than usual.

Normally, he would be okay with it, maybe even seek them out before they came to him.

However, this morning he opened the bottle that held is anxiety medication, expecting to find a few left, but to his luck, it was empty. He was also correct to assume that his anti depressants were also empty since he took them at the same time.

Taking a deep breath he called his pharmacy to see when they could have a refill. He could get though this, it would only be 2 days.

He wondered if he could borrow the maknaes medication for the day but decided against it, considering the youngest had been at a 5 the other day.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Minho groaned as he woke up.

"What- Yeah, I'm fine." he said walking out of the room and going to wake up the other members.

The morning had gone had gone relatively normal, aside from having to talk Jeongin down from a nightmare but he confirmed afterwards that it was fine. Halfway through Practice his hands started to get shaky and the looming feeling of loneliness and fear was growing closer. But when seungmin randomly came up and played with him it went away for a moment. 

He almost considered telling Woojin just in case he decided he wanted to do something stupid.

_They'll think you're weak_

With that thought he walked over to the oldest in the group, "Hey, Woojin I-"

What _are you going to say? that the leader was so irresponsible he forgot to keep track of his meds? He's going to think you're just being lazy. Maybe he should lead, he actually takes care of himself._

"Actually, I forgot what I was going to say." He hated that those thoughts actually made sense to him. And how that led to him thinking if the others found out, they would be disappointed in him and think poorly of him. 

"Chanie Hyung," Hyunjin called.

His attention immediately snapped to the younger, who wanted to know if he could make a minor change to the choreography. After seeing what it was he nodded that he was okay with it but wanted it to go through the other members.

After a few more run troughs everyone was free to do what they wanted and practice what they needed. Woojin had dragged the maknaes to get lunch, much to their protest. 

"You sure you don't want to come?" Woojin asked as the last of the maknaes left.

"I'm good, I'll get something later," he waved them off as he shut the door. To be honest, he didn't feel hungry, which he knew he should be, since he hadn't eaten for almost a day. 

"Hyung, are you sure you're okay?" Minho asked witnessing the whole exchange.

"I'm fine, what makes you ask?" 

"Usually when someone responds with that they end up crying or isolating themselves," Changbin chimed in.

"Trust me, I'm okay." 

Minho and Changbin looked at each other, not trusting the leaders words.

_They know, they're going to tell the others._  

"Changbin, didn't you say you wanted to go over the rap break with me?" he said quickly changing the subject in hopes it would put off their suspicions. 

It seemed to work, since no one brought it up for the rest of the day until it was time to go home. 

Knowing he wouldn't be able sleep or eat he went straight to his laptop to work on a few tracks. His teammates knew that he probably wouldn't stop to eat, which is what he was hoping for. He did jump a little when Seungmin came into the room with a plate of food asking to cuddle because he couldn't sleep. He stopped what he was doing and went to his room to cuddle him until he went to sleep, hoping his increased heart rate would go unnoticed. 

"Hey Chan, do you think this comeback will go well," Felix asked in English.

"Yeah, it's going to be," he was having trouble translating to English for some reason,"amazing."

"Why'd you hesitate?" Felix asked confused.

"it's late I just forgot a few english words for a second," he said trying to make him lose suspicion.

When he checked to make sure seungmin was asleep he said goodbye to Felix and went back to his laptop.

Halfway through the seemingly never-ending night Chan decided to get a glass of water. He probably shouldn't have grabbed a glass, especially when his hands were shaking as much as they were. 

He hissed as the glass shattered on the counter and onto his hand, holding in his scream, fearing that the others would wake up. 

_great, you can't do anything without screwing it up._

He quietly Disposed of the glass and wiped down the counter to get rid of any pieces. Looking down at his hands he was met with multiple cuts across both sides, blood slowly dripping down his fingers. He grabbed a paper towel and wrapped his hand in it so it wouldn't drip on his way to the bathroom. He opened the door expecting to find an empty room. Instead he found I.N. sitting in the corner.

"What number?" he asked, sitting down next to him and hiding his hand in his pocket.

"9," he said pulling his knees to his chest. 

"Why didn't you find Felix?"

"Because I didn-"

He cut him off,"we're here for you, he'd be more upset that you didn't go to him." He could feel the blood start to soak through, both the towel and his pocket. He looked over at the maknae,"go to his room, I'll be there soon."

The boy nodded and walked towards the door,"thank you hyung."

Chan nodded as he left, wincing as he stood up. He had to keep in his sounds of pain as he picked the small pieces of glass out of his hand and dressed his wounds. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide this from his teammates but he didn't want to tell them just yet.

He walked into Felix's room to find Jeongin crying into his shoulder. He looked over at him to see if he needed to come over.

The freckled boy shook his head and pulled the younger closer.

_They don't need you anymore_.

He quickly shook the thought out of his head and went back to his laptop, maybe he should eat something.

_you gained weight this week, you  don't need to eat._

Sighing reluctantly as his appetite disappeared he placed the food in the fridge, hoping to eat it soon.

 

The next morning everyone seemed to be panicking over his damaged hand. 

"Hyung when did that happen?" felix asked pointing at his bandaged hand.

This caused everyone to gather around their leader and and ask about it.

_They don't even think you can take care of a simple cut. What makes you think they believe you can handle them?_

"Relax, it's not that big of a deal, we're going to be late to practice," he said nonchalantly.

Minho and Changbin looked at each other. 

_They're judging you._

He led them out the hoping no one would question him anymore.

Halfway through their second song he started feeling extremely dizzy and his stomach felt like it was caving in on itself.

_You're seriously starting to feel bad now? You're pathetic._

During My Pace he lost his balance a few times. he said he was fine and everyone believed him.

that was until I Am You when he stumbled and didn't regain his balance fast enough. He couldn't help the yell of pain that fell from his lips as he hit the ground, his injured hand hitting the ground as well.

He tried to get up but was stopped by a extremely concerned Changbin. He wondered why everyone was looking at him so confused and why Felix was running to get a first aid kit. 

He glanced down and saw the source. The blood had started to flow through the bandages. Before he could say anything Changbin spoke up.

"Is this from before or just now?"

"Before, but-"

Minho cut him off,"It's not nothing, no matter how calm about it you are. Does anything feel broken?"

He shook his head,"Felix can you hand me the bandages."

Felix almost did hand them to him, if it wasn't for woojin.

"Stop, you're trying to do too much." He said grabbing the bloodied hand, unwrapping the old cloth. 

Everyone's eyes grew wide at their leaders bloody and bruised hands, scattered with cuts.

"When and how did this happen?" Woojin asked starting to wrap his hand in fresh bandages.

"A glass fell on my hand. I cleaned up the mess, before finding Innie in the bathroom."

The boy mentioned looked like he was about to cry,"I'm sorry for not noticing hyung."

"Please don't cry, I didn't want you to notice."

"Why's that?" Minho asked.

"I-I didn't want you to think less of me," he looked away from their eyes.

"It's going to take more than a bloody hand to do that," Jisung said trying to cheer his hyung up.

"The blood you lost from your hand shouldn't be enough to make you light headed unless.....hyung?" Seungmin said, scared.

Chan knew what he was going to say and nodded. 

"Why?" Woojin asked finishing up and catching on to what seungmin was saying."

Chan just shrugged,"I don't normally eat breakfast and I wasn't hungry that day for some reason."

"Were your hands shaking more than normal? did you have an increased heart rate? are the voices back?"

Chan just nodded, he was surprised woojin remembered that much from the night both of them got incredibly drunk.

"Did some part of your brain want the glass to cut you?" that part was whispered, not wanting any of the other members to know about his past thoughts.

He shook his head,"I just ran out of meds, i'm not relapsing."

"relapsing from what?" Minho asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer. 

Chan looked at Jisung, he had been with him the longest,"There's a reason i always wore black long sleeves when I met you." 

Jisung just glanced at him,"Hyung....."

Chan couldn't stand to see his group so upset, and it was because of him.

He got up and tried to cheer them up,"look, we've all worked hard today. How about You guys head home, and i'll pick up some dinner when i get my prescription. 

"I'm going with you," woojin immediately volunteered."don't burn the house down."

Everyone agreed and Chan set out with woojin. Halfway through the walk Chan looked over at him, "I doubled up on the antidepressants", he said glancing at his friend. 

He just nodded and opened the door to the pharmacy for him.

"I'm assuming we're eating chicken again," he chuckled, walking back to the dorms.

Woojin didn't have to say anything, they all knew it. 

When they opened the door the last thing he expected was every member in their group hugging them tightly.

"We don't hide anything from each other,"Hyunjin said grabbing the bags from them,"Even if you are the oldest."

They sat down on the couch, everyone piling on top each other, careful to avoid Chan's hand.

Yeah, he wouldn't trade this for anything.

  

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus Christ, I didn't think it would be this long. Well, this is what happens after not writing for 4 months. Again, this story is inspired by @JiminWreckedSugaBias . I don't know how to tag people on here or else I would.


End file.
